When I met my husband, it felt like stepping into a whole new world—one where I didn’t need to do handstands to earn love. Imagine my surprise when I discovered he actually cared about me. I know, sounds simple, right? But if you’ve ever spent years bending over backward to please others and gotten zilch in return, you’ll understand the shock. Suddenly, I had a man who saw me and made me feel valued without the acrobatics. Two years in, I’m still wondering, “Is this real life?”
The People-Pleasing Trap: AKA My Past Life as a Doormat
Before my husband, I was a professional people-pleaser, a master of “Sure, I’ll cancel my plans for you!” and “No problem, I’ll take the blame.” I thought that’s what love was—constantly proving my worth. Spoiler alert: it’s exhausting. I spent so much time and energy making others happy that I forgot what it was like to feel valued.
Meeting My Husband: The Day I Retired from Emotional Gymnastics
Enter my husband, stage left, and it was like someone turned the lights on. Here was a man who met me halfway, showed genuine care, and reminded me that I didn’t need a list of “Top 10 Reasons to Appreciate Me” to earn his love. For the first time, I could relax and just be. I felt like I’d discovered some secret love cheat code, and I was here for it.
Are Men Different in the USA? (Asking for a Friend)
It makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Are men built differently around the world? Is there a people-pleasing-free zone somewhere that I missed? My theory is that it’s all about how we’re raised. My husband’s mom taught him empathy, respect, and how to be kind—skills that should really be standard issue, in my opinion. So, shoutout to her for raising the kind of man who didn’t expect me to earn his love with a juggling act.
My New Reality: Love Without the Exhaustion
Now, in a marriage where I feel genuinely seen and loved, I’m free from the people-pleasing grind. No more bending over backward or doing emotional gymnastics to prove my worth. Just a steady, real love that lets me be me—bad hair days, quirks, and all.
Overcoming People-Pleasing: A (Somewhat) Practical Guide
If you’re in the people-pleasing loop, here are a few things that helped me hang up my “How can I make you happy today?” hat:
1. Stop Saying Yes to Everything: Just because someone asks doesn’t mean you owe them a “yes.” Practice saying “no” without guilt.
2. Put Your Happiness First: If doing something for someone else makes you miserable, it’s probably not worth it.
3. Ask for What You Need: Communicate your needs openly. You’re allowed to ask for things in a relationship without it being “selfish.”
4. Remember That Real Love is Mutual: True love is a two-way street. If you’re doing all the work, it’s not real love.
Final Thoughts: Real Love Exists, and It Doesn’t Require Acrobatics
If you’ve ever felt like you had to “earn” love, let me tell you—it doesn’t have to be that way. There are people out there who will love you just for being you. For me, it’s been a joy to experience real, supportive love with my husband, and I couldn’t be happier. If you’re still on that people-pleasing hamster wheel, take a breath, step back, and remember: love doesn’t require a full gymnastics routine.
Swedish Wanderlust 